Hey hey

http://jiaaakaaangtaaan.wordpress.com/

LIKE A EMBARRASSING ONLY!!

Happy Birthday Dad ♥

For the first time in my life, I texted my dad "Happy birthday dad." "Thks I luv u son, pls study hard." SO CLOSE to tears, felt a lil awkward when I received the reply tho. WOAH, can't even rmb the last time he even said that to me. Me & my big boy pride attitude didn't reply. Had a great dinner at changi village with sharon & her angmoh boyfriend, can't rmb his name. She just came back to sg today from nz, wednesday leaving for europe!! Lucky ttm. I want to go nz so bad, fuck you Os.

I could still rmb how I used to confide in my dad all the little boy problems I had. How I thought every boy who likes the same girl as me was my enemy HAHA!! Now, we barely talk much abt my life. Recently, I told him I want to take aerospace engineering @ sp. He was so damn enthu & supportive, to my surprise. He used to be in the airforce btw. He even go to the extent of calling his friend who is an expert in this field to ask abt it & could help me in the future if I really get into the course. Woah, I really appreciate every single thing he do, the little big sacrifices.

I so want to tell you how important you are to me but no, ME & MY BIG FAT BIG BOY PRIDE.

I want someone to love me, for who I am.

Mind blown

Woah after rereading this place, I realised how emo I had been since posts from 18 September haha. Didn't actually knew results & reactions from people can affect me so much man. Need to stop living in self-denial & really chiong liao, 31days?!?! WAHHHHHH STREEEESSSSSS

I want to promise myself I'll study happily for myself, nope not for anybody, not my teachers not my parents, for my own fucking pathetic self.

I also want to cheer up but its lika tough  :(

Every night I lie here on this same bed looking up to the same ceiling, worrying abt everything. Worry abt Os,abt what to do after Os, abt what will I be when I grow up, abt life.

Just hanging ard, waiting.for.a.miracle.to.happen

I guess they're all just coincidence jia kang, wake up, open up your freaking eyes. Stop letting your mind run everywhere!!

Wow, WOW!!

Okay I'm impressed, as in FUCKING IMPRESSED!! I was on bus9 like 5mins ago, in tampines it was raining fucking heavily. I made a silent prayer to God in my heart to stop it. Its now fucking bright & sunny here at changi. WAH. Srsly? Ohh cmon... SRSLY?!

I feel so wrong, like very wrong, like my whole life is wrong, never thought results could even affect me at all. Too used to being labelled by everyone "lazy", "stupid", "confirm won't study" etc etc. Never thought these simple things could hit me so hard right now. So used to being laughed at my poor results. Idk how long I can take this. Wtf I came in with a bloody psle score of 238, now I'm being looked down upon cos I was super lazy & unhardworking & stupid in previous years. Its not fair, I don't like being judged, but I can do nothing to change anyone's opinion... WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE

Life

Dota is really a very lame game, but its a very good way to destress & stop my mind from thinking so much when I'm playing it. Its like a game which mindfucks me til I'm oblivious to the world while playing. I really don't want to give up on studying but its just so disappointing. Okay I mean, I'm disappointing

Heartbreak-day

Today was horrible terrible vegetable. My self-confidence & self-esteem has hit an all time low. Spell d-i-s-a-p-p-o-i-n-t-e-d, freaking ARGGHHH!! No I'm not gonna cry over spilt milk, I'll have a good laugh at my pathetic self & then move on. I don't freaking feel motivated but instead demoralized, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?! Freaking no mood for anything man. Played 3 days of bball straight w/o studying, see lah, now 35days to O's, GOOD JOB TAN JIA KANG. You can go fuck yourself & die in the sea so you wouldn't trouble ppl to clean up your shit.

Idk how to express my feelings anymore, idk what to feel anymore. Its frustrating, but I'm helpless :@ :'(

I hate making new friends cos I don't want to lose old friends. Am I weird?

I wouldn't mind having a new mother tho, so I would lose my old mother.

Down down down down down

Words can't describe how I'm feeling, or maybe its just that I don't have a wide range of vocab. I always feel happy then sad then happy then sad, mood swing lika fast & far. This freaking sucks, fuck all these bullshit in my life.

I think its funny when certain ppl tries to attract attention by doing stupid stuffs & think they're cool. I mean, so what if you become popular? Do you feel fulfilled? Obviously not. What are these ppl thinking man, what's so cool abt being popular. What's so cool abt being cool?

Fuck life, fuck this world, fuck all these shit. I feel like dying, being so easily affected by words.

Srsly, WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

This is freaking me out... Either I have many stalkers, OR I HAVE JUST ONE FREAKING HARDCORE STALKER.

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please, DON'T LEAVE

Emath today was kinda :S Hmm... Okay srsly, call me over-confident or whatever but I would be so disappointed if I got less than A1 for this paper2. I mean, I could do like practically every question from question 1-9. 10 was graph, I only plotted & drew tangent. Compared to midyear when I skipped like freaking 30marks, I only skipped less than 10!! My mind won't blank out when I see the questions, as in I know I've came across those questions before. Careless marks are inevitable cause I didn't had time to check/go through :(

I'm so damn freaking addicted Perfect by Hedley, check this canada band out, they're really an amazing band, just no recognition... YET!! Next time they confirm damn zhai!! Perfect is on the right side >>>>
Here's 2 more evidence to greatness!!

What is this??

This week
45 uniques 89 views

Who the hell are you people, I only know like 4 person who knows of this place. I know the numbers stack but... 45????

Perfect

Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize.
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie.
And as long as I can feel you holding on.
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong.

I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying.
Cos that's what I said I would do from the start.
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave.
Was it something I said or just my personality?


This is an amazing song

Maybe we're trying, trying too hard. Maybe we're too apart.

The Click 5 are quite an awesome band!! "Re-listening to music you used to love" Haha antique sia they, but they're really quite underrated!! Empty, Jenny. WOAH

Tonight's gonna be a good night

Off to expo to meet rongshun & his mom for some adidas sale!!

Its emptyyy...

Hmm

Life is so borringgg rn.
Cannot imagine myself muggin' at all yo.
"O"s in 46days, sigh.

Why do I screw everything I do up.

On a lighter note, I'm gng jia zu trg tmr for the first time!!
So sexcited but afraid.

I'm always havin' 2nd thoughts abt EVERYTHING yo.

Why uh? Why this why that, WHY?!
I don't have any answer to any questions.
So many things racin' thru ma mind yo.
Just can't make up my mind abt anything.

I need to stop whining like a lil' bitchboy haha.
How to vent frustrations? HOW?!

I think my mind very complicated.
I think without using my brain.
I think I think too much.

SHUT UP LAH TAN JIA KANG

EVERY RANT ON TWITTER IS DIRECTED AT ME

Girl you're so one in a millionnnn

I've been waking up looking forward to nothing every morning this holidays. Just last minute lepak plans & random spending of $$. Barely turn my computer on these days but I don't study still so doesn't really makes a difference. After all there's always my beloved BlackBerry but there isn't that shine in it being special anymore, just a necessity right now.

Looking at all the fine people around makes me so jealous & just wanna hide myself somewhere nobody will ever see :(

I don't feel comfortable, I hate this feeling.

I can't find anything to rely on, like when I think of this something, I'll be alright. No I don't want to turn to God. I believe in God, but a part of me still doubts. Ironic, contradicting, whatever, just hate me.

Not tryna put *** down, but I just don't like the way they... roll. The way they brainwash, mind-screw & everything happens because of ***. Everything, as in EVERYTHING. I don't know how to put it, but I just don't like it

WTF, okay I know I'm not supposed to be talking abt these sensitive issues online, well luckily no one comes here hehe.

Mmm looks good, I hope I'll enjoy Saturday-Sunday... nah jk I promise I will.

Cherish

A few days back, there was an earthquake in new zealand. I only knew it abt it when my aunt told me, I hope everyone is fine there!! Whoever is up there, please watch over & protect everyone there. Sorry if I sound so unsincere. Who am I talking to anw... I'm really looking forward to gng NZ to meet all my direct relatives I've only last seen like 5years ago. Really miss them a lot. Time to reflect & cherish every person/thing, before its too late when they're/its gone :(

Hi self

Why do you suck so much? Its like, EVERYTHING abt you is a big fat joke. Should just go & die.

Great day :)

Today was a great day!!
Caught Step Up 3 with my favourite people in the world.
I like how I just have to ask these awesome people one day before & everyone would watch such a last minute planned movie with me :') No regrets, awesome movie watched with awesome people.

I am so damn envious of multitalented people!! Dance, sing, play musical instruments, just name it. Me? Mediocre basketball skills, below par academics, GRADE 1 PIANO WAHAHA. Nothing else to my name :(

I hope even when we all are in different schools, we still stay connected & not lose contacts :( I rmb thats what I said when I was primary 6 also, look what happened. SIGHHH

WOW

THIS BOY DANCING, CAN MAN!!

Been so long

知自知彼，百战百胜.
I hate SS, SS is my enemy. I will know SS inside out, so I can own its backside!!

 

Been so long since I came home early, & STAY HOME. Been so long since I last turn my computer on. Been so long since I open up a textbook & read. Been so long BUT I'm still not able to speak confidently, without a single feel of uncertainty. 

 

I really really want to shout out loud that today's EL papers was quite easy/do-able. But I'm afraid everyone would laugh at me when I get my result back & see a F9 grade. 

 

How?

:(

Where are you? & I'm so sorry,

I need something like this in my life!!!!!

Studies, love, bad romance

I think I have a big fat improvement in my attitude towards studying!! ^^ Went for nightstudy just now at the canteen & mr khong taught me chemistry. Chemistry is not as alien to me alr, like a happy only :) L1R4 < 20, go jkt!!!

Woah,so many things have been happening & all are negative stuffs!! Not to me, but to so many of my friends. All their problems boils down to one single scary word: LOVE. Its prolly the sweetest feeling at the start but look what happen towards the end. Many of my friends confided in me, I feel so important haha jk. Altho I can't give advice from an experiend person's point of view, but as a friend I still don't know how to console them :( Why must there be such a thing as break up? It gives nothing but misery to both parties, FUCK LOVE. Seeing all these happening, I'm not gonna fall in love haha, I just know I'll screw everything up cos I'm the most tongue tied, poorest-performance-under-pressure kinda guy. I'll need the most uds-ing girl on earth cos every others will just get annoyed HAHA. Love is a fucking fallacy, EVERYBODY, PUT UP YOUR HANDS SAY I DON'T WANNA BE IN LOVE, I DON'T WANNA BE IN LOVEE!!

Kk gtg need to be rather early for breakf tmr, no insomnia tonight please!! :S

YOUSLERS MARDERFARKER

I hate not being able to be of help to my friends in need :(
This useless, dispensible feeling just sucks like to the maximum.
Sigh, yh I know you're seeing this. Please cheer up thank you :)

Tired of being tired

Phew had really been practising POA a lot these days, papers after papers. Time to catch up on emath, then it'll be intensive humanities for the weekends!! I'm starting to see more worth in myself cos I'm finally studying, as in really getting the hang of studying. Feeling goooood ^^

Had EL oral today, totally screwed it all up :(

Okay my aim for prelims is to get L1r4 <20. Desired would be 15points, haha.
Go me!! I can do it!!!! (I hope)

Dilemma, uncertain, mixed-feelings, hurt

"O"s Chinese results released today, B3 motherfucking merit. I really dk if I'm supposed to be satisfied or disappointed. Honestly, B3 is quite a not bad result compared to my loser-last-in-level C5. Merit again, FUCKMYFUCKINGFUCKUPLIFEHARD. This means it wouldn't be easy to get an A1 even aft retaking EOY's paper. Srsly, I have higher expectations of myself, & I really think from the bottom of my heart I can do better. Sigh, talk is cheap.

One word to describe my mood? Fuckup

Fuck is my ultimate vocab.

Priority

Classic happened today, supposed to go airport to study but went to play mahjong instead. Pangseh a good friend in the process, prolly losing some trust altogether. I only have 6 FUCKING SUBJECTS, I'm not even concerned, no sense of urgency & what not. I said I would study, like months ago. WTF AM I DOING NoW??

Kk need to really self-reflect on myself. What is humanities & what is chemistry?

Something 'bout love - David Archuleta

Enjoy!

Overwhelming sadness

Just found my dear cousin's blog & realised how much I missed out with her!! Can't believe I wasn't even there with her through her darkest times, guilty much. Saw a few things on her blog that made my heart drop, wave of sadness gets all over me :( Sigh, guess our lives are all too busy rn that we don't really spend as much time tgt alr.

Inferior

Seriously cannot think of anything I have to boast of :(
Financially, exterior, interior.
No money, not handsome, no character.

Sleepy eyes, bunny teeth, out of shape body, white hair, dark circles, body acne. Lmfao, I really don't know why I so .......... Fuckup?

I can't seem to concentrate on studying, why?

Amazing, just the way you are

Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

My mind is blank right now.
Celebrated ryan's birthday at ballota park last night/this morning.
Had fun.
The end.

I hate it.

I hate it when people don't trust me.
I hate it when people gives me dirty looks.
I hate it when people looks down on me.
I hate it when people don't believe me when I say I want to study & mean it.
I hate mother fuckers.
I hate all of you.

The one thing I hate the most is when I fail a test, motherfuckers laughs at me & taunts me. Cos no I don't fight back, I'll just give up.

I hate myself.

What the hell

30 unique visitors this week =.=

Who are you guys...

Hey August, please be as good as July ;)

Okay, altho July plunged rocked bottom at a point of time, it went back to sky high. I think I've "woke up" to all the nonsense I've been doing for the past 6+ months this year. I didn't study at all. Time for me to start finding ppl to help me w POA, Chemistry, & both my combined humanities subjects. Poa & chemistry, I only know the basic fundamentals, humanities is totally at point ZERO. Sigh, anyone wants to help? :)

I think I'll only go night study when I finally find people to help me with either 4 of the subjects cos night study is way too uneffective for me when I'm revising alone.

Karma

Karma is being a bitch cos I've been a bitch!! Really need to self-reflect on everything I do, how is it affecting the people ard me. I think I have a number of haters, idk haha. Confidence problems again. I just hope people who hates me would get the fuck out of my life so they wouldn't disrupt my life, & vice versa for me too. I like to treat people to how they treat me, a fuckup mindset of mine I guess. I've been a bad boy this whole year I think haha.

Why do I feel so uncertain abt everything!! The only thing I can say loud & proud & right is 1 +1 = 2.

Uncertainties, fuck off!! :@

Oh Blink 182 have some nice emo songs to emo on a bus/mrt ride!!

Ain’t gonna work for life when we know we can dance on

"It’s gonna be real hard, but I’m gonna be okay. As long as I try real hard, I’m always gonna find my way"



Street dance 3D seems like a nice movie!! Need to catch it when its released. This is an awesome song that made me felt better, talk abt good timing, haha. Feeling more cheerful now except for the fact that I sprained my right ankle AGAIN. Hope its just a minor sprain.

Today, I went to redhill for my T-Net cup debut with T-Net@Bedok. I wore the gay-est jersey I've ever had, haha. It was the same colour as the video on top's play/pause/stop bar, AQUA BLUE!! Played against T-Net@Macpherson & saw my 1 of primary school friend!! Even tho we played extremely sloppy & retarded, we won by around 10+ points =.= Score the first 5 points for the team & felt really good cos its like I "set" the tempo for the team. Then I went on playing anyhow, jumping at every opportunity like rebounds/block/alley, finally sprained my ankle. I should've saw it coming from when I started to play very freely haha. Can only say I deserved it.

I'm not going to wear slippers to school cos I don't really like to feel "singled out" Need to buy ankle guard soon!!

I always sprain my right ankle, literally my archilles(?) heel.

I'm going to go for night study every night for this week!! Hope I can catch up with what I've missed out through this whole year. I really need help for chemistry, geog & social studies. Anyone want to give me a hand? ;D

Now I find studying/revising much more "seducing"(can't think of another word, I know definitely have but just can't recall right now =.=) than playing basketball.

Maybe I'm really going crazy, haha. HUNGRY!!

Thoughts, disappointment.

I hate feeling so down, never felt so bad in my life. I think I'm gng crazy, I thought I'm a very rational person, I thought feelings will never ever affect me. I was so wrong; I can't handle stress. Olvls prelim are giving me the jitters, I think I'm over-reacting. I feel so unprepared, fucking loser much ttm. My father have really high hopes on me, I can tell he wants me to be happy but cannot neglect my studies at the same time. I think I'm gng to breakdown anytime soon. I really need to talk to someone, stop venting all these stress on ciggs.

Fuck is wrong with me, 16 years old = fuckup feelings all the time?

Mrbrightside-jk.bs, why aren't you able to take away all the feelings I have right now :'(

I really think I'm going crazy.

Emotions

I'm feeling rather emotional recently, like taking every single "joke" seriously, which i obviously know my friends don't mean it. Is it a 16 years old down syndrome or something? :S IDK but i'm in quite a fuckup mood!! I should stop whining, get the fuck out of here & study/do my homework(s). This feeling is indescribable.

Despite all these, i had a really great time with my friends through the weekends!!

Okay this might sound weird but sometimes, i just feel so left out. I don't get it, why i'm so fuckup.

WHY am i like this, why can't i be a little more.... SHUT THE FUCK UP JIAKANG

Ranting here doesn't help anymore, probably closing this precious private space of two years that kept me company through my up & downs in life since 2008.

2 more days!!

I'm feeling so eggcited & I want saturday to come asap!! Hmm plans are showing it will be a fun-filled weekend!! Saturday, celebrate @ cindy's house with gen alvin marcus clique. Sunday with bball/recess/breakf clique @ The Sizzler!!

Hmm why do I have mixed feelings abt this once-in-a-lifetime sweet 16th :( I hope all will turn out well cos this will probably the last occasion I'll be able to have fun!!

Had a great heart to heart talk with PH just now when night study was abt to end. Sigh, affairs of the heart seem so tiring & complicated!! I guess I'll never know. I hope he could cheer up, hate seeing my friends upset, but I'm not even able to help one little bit. What kinda fuckup friend am I.

Wish me goodluck, BB!!

Absence makes the heart grows fonder, it's true :(

Life has turned around to a brighter side for me :)
I'm feeling happier day as each day past, how i wish this will never stop.

This is gonna be quite a wordy & long post, haha.

I realise the importance of $$money through this short period of unpredictable World Cup 2010, a little through the hard way, a lot more on seeing how somebody loses his mind & couldn't control himself in this very scary thing called, "GAMBLING".

I've lost $200< in this June-July period, which means 2/3 of my monthly allowance, at least I'm able to pay up & control myself not to hit the magic number of $300. I think paying up when I lose $$ in gambling is very important as it reflects alot about myself & also the impression of me to my "creditor". You owe money for too long, you lose the little bit of respect people have for you. C'mon man, no money, don't gamble!! Simple as that. WB should really reflect on what he has done in this short period of barely 1 month's time. Okay to put it nicely, he lost $500<. Fact is he paid up $100> becos $400< are debts which he owe people, he owes me $70. I'm not expecting it anytime soon, or rather, I'm guessing he would only pay me around next year :S

Thats just the the sad part for him financially. Now, many people I know, A.K.A his creditors, looks down on him/disrespects him. To be honest, i'm also one of them who really look down on him right now, i thought these kinda gambling addiction happens only on drama serials. I used to be his friend, now i can't really stand the sight of him. Firstly he owes me money, then his tone when he talks to me is fuckup. Not shy one sia. He actually got the cheek to ask me for more money so he could pay others first, i told him to fuck off.

Seeing the state he is in, here i vow i'll never end up in a similar plight as him. People like TS, MS, BL, RS, YH & so many others who used to be friends w him shares the same sentiments as me. No we're not fair-weather friends, but what he has done is really too much. My friends are of utmost importance to me, I'll never let them see me in the same light as WB. I trust i do not have a single fair-weather friend, every single one of them is important to me.

Kk time to change the subject, its getting too tense cos the more i type, the more i feel WB is the most retarded arsehole on this Earth.

On a lighter note, my father deposited $200 in to my bank account today!! This means more money to spend/I'm finally able to buy my Braun Buffel wallet!! ^^ I've to admit i was really shock/stun when my father told me this morning that he transfer the $$ to my account. Maybe i shouldn't cos i've always known he was a very generous man!! This has always been on my heart but i've never told a single soul before. He ask me every now & then if i have enough money to spend; he gives my grandfather alot of money every month; he always asks me if i want to bring my friends to DTE's Sakura to eat, his treat. He gives me alot of allowance, compared to some of my friends. To tell the truth, he don't have a very high salary. I don't understand how he is able to keep this family together, he must have sacrificed many meals. He works @ ECP/marine cove, we stay in Changi, he cycles to work everyday to save on transport fees. Yet here i am, spending money as though i deserve $$ rightfully. I should really cherish this father of mine, though naggy & unreasonable at times, he is really a great father.

The End!!

His crush tells him about her crush

I hope this won't ever happen to me

I'm feelin' rather down today, overwhelmed w mixed feelings. I hate feeling so wasted & unwanted all the time!! Need to stay positive, steamboat @ cindy's place to celebrate her birthday & mine!! Hope things would pick up by then.

Like gravity, you're pulling every part of me.

Phew what a busy week, i came home like later than 9pm everyday tho its a school week. Celebrated Kelly's sweet 16th, it'll be my turn this saturday, haha. Excited much!!

I didn't turn my computer on since Monday, but i didn't study since a billion years ago. So nothing to rejoice about!! :(

I want to be smart, rich, attractive. It all links up!! If i'm smart, i would be able to earn lots of money = no more white hair. When i'm rich, i can go for plastic sugery, buy branded clothes like i'm just buying dinner. Nah i probably won't go for plastic sugery even if i have the money, makes me a fake person!

JK, stop dreaming =.=

She's out of my league

This show is damn awesome, fantastic storyline, hot chicks, a little touching. I rate it 10/10, a hard 10 :)

I don't get why in movies all the average joe gets their happily ever after story. I'm an average joe too, where's mine? :(

This show relates to me quite a bit. The inferiority complex I have is immense! Every girl is like a [10] & I'm just another [5]. Why can't I just look better, a little more money, a little smarter, a litter more of everything! Sigh, this is getting too personal but I guess I'll just have to wait till I find a Mrs Right. Mrs Right =/= Mrs Perfect. Mrs Perfect would be good but a Mrs Right would definitely be better. Someone who understands me, cares about me, most imptly, loves me :)

I'll wait a century if I have to.

Until I reached the point of no return

School days are like the same as holidays for me, sigh.

Shit I've been sighing a lot these days!

Might be going for TP's open house, hope jasper don't pangseh again =.=

I'm always feeling so jealous of everything, fuck life!

Now is the down period of this fucked up journey, hope things pick up soon. Might be watching Toy Story 3 tmr! MIGHT being the operative word here cos PLANS CAN JUST CRASH SO FUCKING EASILY.

Why, why, why, why, why.......WHY?!

Happy birthday to ruban & melissa's sweet 16!!

Tried to be first to wish melissa but she told me I was second sigh, haha. I'm feeling bad cos I didn't get anything for her :S
Quite a boring day in school today!

My birthday is in 3weeks but I'm not really looking forward to it. Somehow I think I won't get as many presents as last year :( JK, don't really matter much, maybe just a bit. I guess I'm just afraid some people would forget about it, insecurity.

Bought world cup for the first time! Feeling rather eggcited tho I won't be able to watch the match cos its 2.30am & I need to sleep!

I'm blogging for the first time w my BB haha. I want so many times, I'm beginning to feel so superficial, so fake. I want to find my true self :(

Faber Drive

Faber Drive is an awesome band & their MVs are so damn creative + original!!

I'll admit it, I like my world with you in it. Like a record, its broken. YEA YOU'RE A BUMP I'LL NEVER GET OVEERRR~~

Slept @ 11pm plus & woke up 6am this morning.
Unfruitful day.
Went to Lavender for some tnet funfair, played the 3 on 3 bball.
Pulled my team(TS, YJ) down, fuck myself haha.
Lavender Food Square has the bestest wanton mee ever!
I know, i'm a little bit suaku. Just a little hehe.
I thought Changi V's was great.
Heard there's a place called Fei Fei wanton mee which is great as well!
(Only heard of it today :S)
TS told me there's really such a thing as black hokkien mee.
(Toldya im a little suaku :D)
YTN told me before but i didnt believe her haha.
(Not gng to admit this as being suaku cos i want my pride hehehe)
Want to gym/ball as much as possible
NEED TO STUDY & SAVE MONEY

Sigh honestly i need to stop procrastinating, start to prioritize whats important & what is not! Okay first thing first would definitely be STUDYING. Everything else can go in any order haha.

I shall:
Study at least 2hrs a day!(I know its little but its a good start right)
Play basketball maximum twice a week.
Go gym whenever i'm done with studying for the day.
I might want to start a habit of jogging, maybe around Changi? ^^ Sounds good!!

The pros of doing all these is that i can surely save $$, maybe get better in studies, slowly build up my muscles & physical! This is a win-win situation but only if i'm able to abide by this self-made flexible "timetable", NEED SOME SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!

There are no cons for this haha, oh maybe there will be problems socially like i might lose a few friends/become distant to some friends becos this sound like a very introverted lifestyle! Cannot man, im an extrovert! Okay i shall have to make some free time in-between this "tight" schedule.

Sorry this post might be a little boring, or rather this blog is always very boring cos maybe there's just too much of me. Srsly, im not a self-obsessed person. Afterall there's always the [X] button on top left hand corner if you really dislike me/reading this blog! :)

I don't want stress, or rather i hate stress. I know hate is a strong word, but i really really really don't like STREESSSS! Actually, nobody is putting any stress on me; my parents don't demand/expect anything of my studies(at least they don't show so), teachers are not stressing me out at all. Its always me, I'll always put stress on myself unknowingly cos i want to try to be at least close to perfection. Always fail haha, not even once close.

BLACKHEADS, DARK CIRCLES, PIMPLES, WHITE HAIR, PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!! WOULD BE APPRECIATED ALOT!!

Life

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

If only i'm able to laugh like this in reality.


I think i've got a not bad life, but i'm screwing it all up!
Fucking retard haha, i s h o u l d g o k i l l m y s e l f.

I like ranting off here, because i won't be like some people who goes telling the world how fucked up their life is on twitter, tryna get all the little pathetic attention.

Okay i shouldn't be commenting on this, afterall its their life. I'm just complaining because i've this weird feeling that every rant i see on twitter is directed at me! I hope they're not, obviously they are not coz i don't even know some of them well. Sigh i should just go fuck myself hahahahahahahahaha. PYRAMIDS, WE BUILT THIS ON A SOLID ROCK, IT FEELS JUST LIKE ITS HEAVEN'S TOUCH!

我愛的人

 This song brings back so many memories!



I really need to get down to earth & study! Get over this first-round-knock-out phase of my life, get over this fucking demoralising setback. I've been playing ball/gym everyday without fail since last monday & life is not suppose to be this way. I guess i'll just have to manage my time properly, i'll need sufficient sleep/study/gym/ball/conditioning. I want to get into finals & a good poly/jc next year, mark my words.

Talking about sleep, i think i've gotten quite enough haha. Fuck lah this EAP so slack, nobody gives a damn about discipline matters! Fucked up people like me takes over & takes advantage ^^

Pyramid

1) Pyramids by Charice featuring Iyaz is a (Y) song!

2) Today marks the day I'll have to study hard for "O"s

3) Went to ref for NAS-SKSS match, aft that ball @ 134

4) I'm feeling so damn tired, my ankles are hurting :(

5) I realised I charge my psp for 2 straight days.

6) Need to study

7) Need to save $$

8) Need to study

9) Need to save $$

.....

6521398) Need to study

6521399) Need to save $$

Happening!

I hope there'll be more chances for me to meet up with my dear friends, i don't want to lose any of them :'O

Stayover @ RS house ytd, played mahjong from 7pm till 1am plus, with a dinner break in between. Rs has the best mother in the world! She treats all of us like her own children.

I love my Blackberry phone!

Touched :' )

I did the "I like you becos.." status thing on fb & i must say this simple thing is so meaningful! I appreciate it that i have friends who cares about how i think about them, reason is definitely becos they care about me! I went to like some people's statuses too just to see what kind of person am i in people's eyes.

So basically:
I am a good teammate
I am very steady
I am friendly & helpful yet kao peh & guai lan (i like ^^)
I am a mahjong kaki
I am always smiling
I play poker but not greedy
I ROCK!! [(i like also^^)thanks asaph]
I am nice, don't get angry, easy going (Y)
I make retarded comments(N)
I hide under table @ POD with shuqi (Y)(Y)
I am steady to last minute plans
I am helpful & care for people even tho i f-ing gl & kp sometimes
I am fun to play basketball & hang out with
I eat creamer @ macs before gng training for strength
I am a nice senior & people like to chat w me on msn
I am persistant
I got a nice Blackberryphone
I am a nice person to chat with
I am cool [(Y) i like this alot^^]
I've grown up & changed
I am nice to everyone even tho i am shy
I seem harmless :'( Looks can be decieving!
I am reminded when people play poker & see J , K
I will always be remembered :')
I am always happy (i have my down times too :O)
I am pro in basketball (LOL)
I jump so high
I always so 'on' to everything

I like every single comment becos they are from my friends who comment truly with their heart :) I <3 my friends & i appreciate having them.

Perfection

I have so many expectations, so many "if only XX is more perfect". Applies to both living & non-living things. Apparently my mother is the furthest away from being IDEAL. Somebody please take a knife & kill her. Fucked up.

I know i'll never be perfect, but i want to be as close to perfect as I possibly can.

Second chance

"Instead of holding you, i was holding out
I should've let you in but i let you down
You were the first to give, i was the first to ask
Now im in second place to get a SECOND CHANCE"
Second chance - Faber drive

Many times in live, i wish for a second chance.
If i had a second chance, i would study very hard in lower sec.
If i had a second chance, i would do my very best in every basketball training.
Really regret having "fun" in my lower sec days.

Hey there, who ever is reading this.

If there is anyone reading this place where i rant like no tomorrow, can you please leave a comment on this post. Just wanna know if anyone reads all these bullshit im saying haha.

4/6/10

Life currently is so great i wish i'll never die!

CL "O" lvls was quite well done imo, compared to last year
At least a B3 this time cmon.
Gonghan not bad, bzbd like shit, paper 2 do-able.

Won opening match against qianxi ytd.
Even thought we play super below average, we won 67-34 ._.
Scored 3 points, fucking lousy

Had MBTI profiling in school & fine dining in the evening.
Today was a great day, but still not yet a fairytale.
If we beat tagawa(blue) next monday, i'll happy beyond description!

Tmr against Fairfield Alumni @ AHS.
Hope the whole team, including me, can perform to standards.

"The grass may be greener on the other side, but the other side will never have someone like you."

MYE results!

EL   P1: 17/30, 14/30  P2: 12.5/25+summary(havent get)+oral(havent get)
POA   P1: 17.5/40  P2 39/40. Total= 56.5/100 C5
Emath  P1: 50/80  P2 58/100  Total=108/180 B4
Combined Science  Physics 49/85  Chemistry 32/85 D7
Combined Humanities  SS 4/25(seq)  Egeog 5/50  F9

Went to school & received all these results today!
Quite satisfied w POA & Emath. A bit disappointed in EL. Surprise @ my sciences, didn't expect to get so high for both. Chem was a big surprise, i didnt expect my physics to get 49/85 too cause paper quite tough. Combined humans is fucked up haha, didn't study anything at all though. Hope my summary, oral & CL get good grades. I need my CL to be at least B3 if not i can die alr...

Today don't feel like a schoolday at all! Lepaked alot in school, went to pizza hut @ tmall after school with sisterhood(alvin marc gen d qj) Spent alot of money :( ~~$$~~ Cut hair, bought school shoes.

My previous school shoe like CUI only hehe.

Quite loving life now but this probably won't last long :)

What am i living for?

Its a question i've been thinking hard about for the past few days. I CAN'T NAME ANYTHING. Im just tryna survive everyday, grow old. Just looking forward to the future, but there's just nothing im really living for. I guess they call this AIMLESS. A word for pathetic people like me, sigh. This feeling sucks, its like a marathon without a goal.

Don't worry, im not gonna kill myself. One day i'll find my worth :)

High rise, veins of the avenue. Bright eyes & subtle variations of blue. Everywhere is balanced there like a rainbow above you :)

I've been waking up early for many days alr! I only have sunday to sleep in to "recover" my loss of sleep.

Home U training was great today, i got in the team! (relieved) #15


MYE, took both language papers only so far. Feeling good but there's this insecure feeling tugging me, it's like i THINK i know i got my answers right, but somehow i feel they are all gonna be marked wrong! Had a dream last night, that i saw my EL paper 2, 41/50. IT WAS SO DAMN FUCKING REAL I WANTED TO TWEET IT, UNTIL I WOKE UP & REALIZED IT WAS JUST A DREAM!! FUCKING SAD.

EVERYBODY SHOULD GO TO THIS SITE http://lovegivesmehope.com 
Its like the most touching site on earth :')


I realised i always thought about blogging/tweeting many stuffs, but i never do it. Everyday i'll have a lot of things on my mind but always forget what they are when i am blogging/tweeting.


Okay i should shudderff & start studying!! <3 POA/E-maths :) FUCK HUMANITIES!

TGIF!!

One word describes today, TIRED!

Had P.E in the morning, NAPFA stations! I've already achieved Gold except that my 2.4km run gotta be at least C grade, no worries~~ Hate this complacent feeling!

Been rather busy these days but still managed to find a lil time to revise up, i need somebody really strong in Chemistry & Humanities.

I'm fine with all my other subjects except Chemistry, Egeog & SS.

Egeog test today was NOT fine, at most 5/25 :)

I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful~~
I wonder what a boring life i would have without music!

Had a great exposure of basketball @ kemabangan cc today!
I hope i will perform well for tmr's friendly against ACJC.

HOME

Another day which suddenly ends.

Nowadays, i don't know what type of life im living but its not memorable at all. I mean, i wake up in the morning, go school, end school, slack, night study, home. Fuck this crappy life. Maybe this type of life is good too cause at least im getting to study more.

Anw i went to track & field nationals finals @ CCK stadium just 2 days back when i noticed this CHIJ Toa Payoh girl who caught my eye & never let go. I mean, this is the first time i saw someone so ... *dream like!* Okay maybe alil exaggerating but thats not the point! So today ian & i was looking through facebook searching for her & THEN SUDDENLY WE FOUND HER~~ Okay not we but ian cause is he link from his track & field friend from the same school. Added her on facebook but so far she haven't accept. Oh anw im not putting much hope in getting into any relationship cause of "O"s  & also because im sure nobody will fall for me.

Why did i write so much about this girl >_>
I mean what if one day we really become friends & she sees this & labels me "Fucking stalker"

What are you thinking jiakang >_>
*Slaps* Get out of this dream NOW

Okay i think im sounding retarded, hope no one comes here & sees this hahah.

STUDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

I NEED SUPER BIG HELP ON CHEMISTRY, EGEOG & SS, EVERYTHING ELSE IS MANAGEABLE ~~~~

Sick

Had quite a hectic schedule since last week, the last week of training in NAS. Had lots of ball time & now i guess its time to rest! Im starting to love POA cause its getting easier everyday.

Sometimes i wonder why some people have to be so fake all the time. Oh cmon, live your life like yourself & don't live just to blend in / get in people's good books / look cool & THING IS ITS NOT EVEN WORKING. If you continue to live like this, you just needa burn & die. Not directing this @ anyone in particular.

I want to be happy.

27/03/10

"The silence isn't so bad, till i look at my hands and feel sad. Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly"

Woke up in the morning after a nice long sleep, i hadn't had such an awesome sleep for so long. I guess i didn't mention to anyone that for the past few days, i've been waking up @ around 3 am & not able to go back to sleep untill around 4 or 5, stoning in bed thinking about some stupid, not-supposed-to-be-stressful stuffs. So thats the reason why im so tired in school! Been sleeping for many lessons this week, i have to buck up. Had an English comphre test on friday which i think was quite a irritating & boring passage to read but the questions are quite answerable. I want to get an A1 for EL this term.

Right i have a big question on my mind now. What if a good friend of mine likes a girl whom i sort of like & maybe he knows how i feel so he is being quite cold to me, give it up? The answer is pretty obvious for anyone right, i should just let it go, but SOMETHING is pulling me back. Anw anyone who reads this don't think wrong, its not happening to me. But i guess no one is reading what im typing now so why the hell am i explaining >_>

WOAH FEELLING A LIL BETTER AFTER RANTING THEM OFF HERE, JUST A LIL THO :)

Study time!

Okay just a quick post cause i need a sleep soon or i won't be able to wake up tomorrow for school!

1) Woke up feeling all good for first game of nationals.

2) Took coach's car to clementi instead of the school's bus >_>

3) Got thrashed by pierce secondary! we didnt even put up a fight

4) Lepak @ 201 mac till 6ish then took bus 9 home

5) Bath, eat dinner, watch down w love!

6) Just finished ep8 & i am starting to like this drama more! but its ending soon :S

7) Need to get back to reality fast & start studying!

Sentosa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NG YONG JIAN!

Its been so long since like everything went my way!!! :)

Sentosa was GREAT! I left my house & reached Rs's @ 1020, he told me he was eating & coming down soon so i just played my PSP to kill time. Sometime later, i check my watch(got it @ pasar malam near school for only $5!) IT WAS ALR 1050 & WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET @ BEDOK INT @ 11OCLOCK!! Of course we reached there quite late, Yj, Yh & Ts were alr there. Ate, then take bus30 to vivo, lepak @ upper deck.

When we reached Vivo, Rs & i went to NUM to get his singlet & my sandal. The offer now is buy 2 & get 20% off! So he got a Brazil singlet while i got a brazillian praia sandal! After like 10mins, i decided to change into my new sandals THEN I REALISED THE SIZE WAS TOO BIG & I ALR THREW THE RECEIPT AWAY :S So i went back to try & change & THE ASSISTANT DIDN'T EVEN ASK FOR RECEIPT WHEN I SAID MY SANDALS WAS TOO BIG & INSTEAD JUST TOOK ANOTHER ONE WHICH IS ONE SIZE SMALLER FOR ME! HOW GREAT IS THAT! (L) (i don't agree that the employees are all gay HAH)

After changing i realise i still have money left soo.. went to Everlast to get a singlet! The singlet cost only $30 which was why i was so tempted to buy! Bought a white one while Ts got the black one. Took the monorail to Sentosa.

We took awhile to find a shaded spot for our bags then played cards first cause the weather is TOO HOT! Then we played BEACH VOLLEYBALL FOR 2MINS before jumping into the SHIOK SEAWATER! The water was quite salty & especially disgusting when it goes into my nose or mouth! We also dug a super deep hole hoping when Wb come he will step into it & die or something then we can bury him on the spot LOL! In the end the plan failed so we just bury Yj untill left his head. Lepak in the water for very long then went to wash up.

Left Sentosa ard 7ish then we took bus 30 to bedok inter & take bus 222 to Bedok85!

ALL IN ALL, YTD WAS A VERY FUN DAY SINCE A LONG TIME! NO STRESS NO WORRIES, JUST ENJOYMENT!!! :)^126345897

Live like we're dying

Yesterday was a pretty fun day! Training wasn't good, as usual. Went to eat mac @ 201 after that. Mcspicy & hot & spicy shaker fries kept me pespiring like shit! Last min plans, supposed to go yh house to guitar hero but we ended up carrying the whole set to ts house & played there! Had loads of fun there.... Guitar hero, Nba2k10, steamboat!!!!!!! Left his place ard 1040 & took a cab home! The old man made noise as usual. Today was a pretty boring day except i went to sakura for dinner! Its getting damn boring, same food there every time. Tomorrow will be a fun day if i doesn't rain! SENTOSA!!!!!!!

Boring life

Life is getting boring-er & boring-er!

When im rotting @ home it will either be viwawa/youtube

I can't do homework or study @ home! This is like my tradition.

This don't really feel like holidays cause i still have to wake up early for so many days! i want to sleep more :(

Rotted @ home watching down with love/就想賴著妳!

Hmm its quite nice but i still think hi my sweetheart nicer alot!!

Right need to study hard if not that old man start to make noise again.

Chemistry & geography will be two of my main focus this holidays!

Looking forward to wednesday to celebrate yj's birthday!

24/01/10

My first post in 2010!
Almost forgot i have a blog.
Happy Birthday Rong Shun!
Went airport to study w eric, brenda & sweekee.
They used my phone to talk to quite a number of people on MY msn.
Dunman High tomorrow, don't think i would get to fucking play just a second again.
I miss HOME UNITED BASKETBALL CLUB!!!
Miss the dunking, miss bathing there, miss playing w the team, miss hungry jacks, miss taking bus 21 for 1hr plus every training.

Life rocks, i got suspended just two weeks into this year<3