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Happy Birthday Dad ♥

For the first time in my life, I texted my dad "Happy birthday dad." "Thks I luv u son, pls study hard." SO CLOSE to tears, felt a lil awkward when I received the reply tho. WOAH, can't even rmb the last time he even said that to me. Me & my big boy pride attitude didn't reply. Had a great dinner at changi village with sharon & her angmoh boyfriend, can't rmb his name. She just came back to sg today from nz, wednesday leaving for europe!! Lucky ttm. I want to go nz so bad, fuck you Os.

I could still rmb how I used to confide in my dad all the little boy problems I had. How I thought every boy who likes the same girl as me was my enemy HAHA!! Now, we barely talk much abt my life. Recently, I told him I want to take aerospace engineering @ sp. He was so damn enthu & supportive, to my surprise. He used to be in the airforce btw. He even go to the extent of calling his friend who is an expert in this field to ask abt it & could help me in the future if I really get into the course. Woah, I really appreciate every single thing he do, the little big sacrifices.

I so want to tell you how important you are to me but no, ME & MY BIG FAT BIG BOY PRIDE.

I want someone to love me, for who I am.

Mind blown

Woah after rereading this place, I realised how emo I had been since posts from 18 September haha. Didn't actually knew results & reactions from people can affect me so much man. Need to stop living in self-denial & really chiong liao, 31days?!?! WAHHHHHH STREEEESSSSSS

I want to promise myself I'll study happily for myself, nope not for anybody, not my teachers not my parents, for my own fucking pathetic self.

I also want to cheer up but its lika tough  :(

Every night I lie here on this same bed looking up to the same ceiling, worrying abt everything. Worry abt Os,abt what to do after Os, abt what will I be when I grow up, abt life.

Just hanging ard, waiting.for.a.miracle.to.happen

I guess they're all just coincidence jia kang, wake up, open up your freaking eyes. Stop letting your mind run everywhere!!

Wow, WOW!!

Okay I'm impressed, as in FUCKING IMPRESSED!! I was on bus9 like 5mins ago, in tampines it was raining fucking heavily. I made a silent prayer to God in my heart to stop it. Its now fucking bright & sunny here at changi. WAH. Srsly? Ohh cmon... SRSLY?!

I feel so wrong, like very wrong, like my whole life is wrong, never thought results could even affect me at all. Too used to being labelled by everyone "lazy", "stupid", "confirm won't study" etc etc. Never thought these simple things could hit me so hard right now. So used to being laughed at my poor results. Idk how long I can take this. Wtf I came in with a bloody psle score of 238, now I'm being looked down upon cos I was super lazy & unhardworking & stupid in previous years. Its not fair, I don't like being judged, but I can do nothing to change anyone's opinion... WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE

Life

Dota is really a very lame game, but its a very good way to destress & stop my mind from thinking so much when I'm playing it. Its like a game which mindfucks me til I'm oblivious to the world while playing. I really don't want to give up on studying but its just so disappointing. Okay I mean, I'm disappointing