LIKE A EMBARRASSING ONLY!!

Happy Birthday Dad ♥

For the first time in my life, I texted my dad "Happy birthday dad." "Thks I luv u son, pls study hard." SO CLOSE to tears, felt a lil awkward when I received the reply tho. WOAH, can't even rmb the last time he even said that to me. Me & my big boy pride attitude didn't reply. Had a great dinner at changi village with sharon & her angmoh boyfriend, can't rmb his name. She just came back to sg today from nz, wednesday leaving for europe!! Lucky ttm. I want to go nz so bad, fuck you Os.

I could still rmb how I used to confide in my dad all the little boy problems I had. How I thought every boy who likes the same girl as me was my enemy HAHA!! Now, we barely talk much abt my life. Recently, I told him I want to take aerospace engineering @ sp. He was so damn enthu & supportive, to my surprise. He used to be in the airforce btw. He even go to the extent of calling his friend who is an expert in this field to ask abt it & could help me in the future if I really get into the course. Woah, I really appreciate every single thing he do, the little big sacrifices.

I so want to tell you how important you are to me but no, ME & MY BIG FAT BIG BOY PRIDE.

I want someone to love me, for who I am.

Mind blown

Woah after rereading this place, I realised how emo I had been since posts from 18 September haha. Didn't actually knew results & reactions from people can affect me so much man. Need to stop living in self-denial & really chiong liao, 31days?!?! WAHHHHHH STREEEESSSSSS

I want to promise myself I'll study happily for myself, nope not for anybody, not my teachers not my parents, for my own fucking pathetic self.

I also want to cheer up but its lika tough  :(

Every night I lie here on this same bed looking up to the same ceiling, worrying abt everything. Worry abt Os,abt what to do after Os, abt what will I be when I grow up, abt life.

Just hanging ard, waiting.for.a.miracle.to.happen

I guess they're all just coincidence jia kang, wake up, open up your freaking eyes. Stop letting your mind run everywhere!!

Wow, WOW!!

Okay I'm impressed, as in FUCKING IMPRESSED!! I was on bus9 like 5mins ago, in tampines it was raining fucking heavily. I made a silent prayer to God in my heart to stop it. Its now fucking bright & sunny here at changi. WAH. Srsly? Ohh cmon... SRSLY?!

I feel so wrong, like very wrong, like my whole life is wrong, never thought results could even affect me at all. Too used to being labelled by everyone "lazy", "stupid", "confirm won't study" etc etc. Never thought these simple things could hit me so hard right now. So used to being laughed at my poor results. Idk how long I can take this. Wtf I came in with a bloody psle score of 238, now I'm being looked down upon cos I was super lazy & unhardworking & stupid in previous years. Its not fair, I don't like being judged, but I can do nothing to change anyone's opinion... WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE

Life

Dota is really a very lame game, but its a very good way to destress & stop my mind from thinking so much when I'm playing it. Its like a game which mindfucks me til I'm oblivious to the world while playing. I really don't want to give up on studying but its just so disappointing. Okay I mean, I'm disappointing

Heartbreak-day

Today was horrible terrible vegetable. My self-confidence & self-esteem has hit an all time low. Spell d-i-s-a-p-p-o-i-n-t-e-d, freaking ARGGHHH!! No I'm not gonna cry over spilt milk, I'll have a good laugh at my pathetic self & then move on. I don't freaking feel motivated but instead demoralized, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?! Freaking no mood for anything man. Played 3 days of bball straight w/o studying, see lah, now 35days to O's, GOOD JOB TAN JIA KANG. You can go fuck yourself & die in the sea so you wouldn't trouble ppl to clean up your shit.

Idk how to express my feelings anymore, idk what to feel anymore. Its frustrating, but I'm helpless :@ :'(

I hate making new friends cos I don't want to lose old friends. Am I weird?

I wouldn't mind having a new mother tho, so I would lose my old mother.

Down down down down down

Words can't describe how I'm feeling, or maybe its just that I don't have a wide range of vocab. I always feel happy then sad then happy then sad, mood swing lika fast & far. This freaking sucks, fuck all these bullshit in my life.

I think its funny when certain ppl tries to attract attention by doing stupid stuffs & think they're cool. I mean, so what if you become popular? Do you feel fulfilled? Obviously not. What are these ppl thinking man, what's so cool abt being popular. What's so cool abt being cool?

Fuck life, fuck this world, fuck all these shit. I feel like dying, being so easily affected by words.

Srsly, WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

This is freaking me out... Either I have many stalkers, OR I HAVE JUST ONE FREAKING HARDCORE STALKER.

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please, DON'T LEAVE

Emath today was kinda :S Hmm... Okay srsly, call me over-confident or whatever but I would be so disappointed if I got less than A1 for this paper2. I mean, I could do like practically every question from question 1-9. 10 was graph, I only plotted & drew tangent. Compared to midyear when I skipped like freaking 30marks, I only skipped less than 10!! My mind won't blank out when I see the questions, as in I know I've came across those questions before. Careless marks are inevitable cause I didn't had time to check/go through :(

I'm so damn freaking addicted Perfect by Hedley, check this canada band out, they're really an amazing band, just no recognition... YET!! Next time they confirm damn zhai!! Perfect is on the right side >>>>
Here's 2 more evidence to greatness!!

What is this??

This week
45 uniques 89 views

Who the hell are you people, I only know like 4 person who knows of this place. I know the numbers stack but... 45????

Perfect

Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize.
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie.
And as long as I can feel you holding on.
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong.

I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying.
Cos that's what I said I would do from the start.
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave.
Was it something I said or just my personality?


This is an amazing song

Maybe we're trying, trying too hard. Maybe we're too apart.

The Click 5 are quite an awesome band!! "Re-listening to music you used to love" Haha antique sia they, but they're really quite underrated!! Empty, Jenny. WOAH

Tonight's gonna be a good night

Off to expo to meet rongshun & his mom for some adidas sale!!

Its emptyyy...

Hmm

Life is so borringgg rn.
Cannot imagine myself muggin' at all yo.
"O"s in 46days, sigh.

Why do I screw everything I do up.

On a lighter note, I'm gng jia zu trg tmr for the first time!!
So sexcited but afraid.

I'm always havin' 2nd thoughts abt EVERYTHING yo.

Why uh? Why this why that, WHY?!
I don't have any answer to any questions.
So many things racin' thru ma mind yo.
Just can't make up my mind abt anything.

I need to stop whining like a lil' bitchboy haha.
How to vent frustrations? HOW?!

I think my mind very complicated.
I think without using my brain.
I think I think too much.

SHUT UP LAH TAN JIA KANG

EVERY RANT ON TWITTER IS DIRECTED AT ME

Girl you're so one in a millionnnn

I've been waking up looking forward to nothing every morning this holidays. Just last minute lepak plans & random spending of $$. Barely turn my computer on these days but I don't study still so doesn't really makes a difference. After all there's always my beloved BlackBerry but there isn't that shine in it being special anymore, just a necessity right now.

Looking at all the fine people around makes me so jealous & just wanna hide myself somewhere nobody will ever see :(

I don't feel comfortable, I hate this feeling.

I can't find anything to rely on, like when I think of this something, I'll be alright. No I don't want to turn to God. I believe in God, but a part of me still doubts. Ironic, contradicting, whatever, just hate me.

Not tryna put *** down, but I just don't like the way they... roll. The way they brainwash, mind-screw & everything happens because of ***. Everything, as in EVERYTHING. I don't know how to put it, but I just don't like it

WTF, okay I know I'm not supposed to be talking abt these sensitive issues online, well luckily no one comes here hehe.

Mmm looks good, I hope I'll enjoy Saturday-Sunday... nah jk I promise I will.

Cherish

A few days back, there was an earthquake in new zealand. I only knew it abt it when my aunt told me, I hope everyone is fine there!! Whoever is up there, please watch over & protect everyone there. Sorry if I sound so unsincere. Who am I talking to anw... I'm really looking forward to gng NZ to meet all my direct relatives I've only last seen like 5years ago. Really miss them a lot. Time to reflect & cherish every person/thing, before its too late when they're/its gone :(

Hi self

Why do you suck so much? Its like, EVERYTHING abt you is a big fat joke. Should just go & die.